Waiting on the Lord...

Psalm 62:5

Patiently wait for God alone, my soul! For he is the one who gives me confidence.

Isaiah 30:18

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!

I'm starting to see a theme when it comes to waiting. I am doing it A LOT waiting recently. I am also seeing a pattern when it comes to being tempted when one is waiting. Hold fast and be strong in the Lord because the enemy knows your weaknesses is something new I have recently learned. The enemy knows when you are wavering and he knows where to strike to get you to fall fast. You see the enemy has been watching me (us, you) since we were born. He's had years to study us and knows where we are weak. He knows our past and he knows where to strike us first and hard. Every time I get in a position where I have to wait on the Lord and have faith is when the enemy rears his ugly head and begins the attack.

Just when I think that I have it all together or as close as I can do on my own is when I realize I don't.

Just when I think for sure this time I am going to do better, I fail.

Just when I think I got this I don't need to study the Bible, pray, or just sit and be in the presence of the Lord, is when I realize I don't have this.

Just when I think that for sure this time is going to be different he laughs and throws a new curve ball at me.

I AM DONE WITH IT. I won't fall for it any longer and I will not put up with it. I am tired of running around in circles in my head. It's scary in there that's where all the lies, half-truths and scars are. Every time I allow myself to dwell too long on my own thoughts or linger for a moment over thinking something is when I fall. And sadly that's what's been happening to me this last week. I was told that I should know for sure about India by last Friday and at the absolute latest this Friday. So what started happening on Wednesday? I started to panic. I hadn't heard anything what could that mean? Then the panic slowly turned to depression. Well obviously I am not ready so the Lord must have found someone better. My depression quickly turned into a well I don't care anyway mood.

And I promise you this happened in the span of 24 hours. I went to bed nervous woke up with no fingernails (I apparently chewed them in my sleep) and by the time I went to dinner the next night with friends I had already spiraled down that far, that quick, and the worst part was I didn't recognize it for what it was.

It was an attack and I allowed it to happen because I believed the lies, the scars, and the half-truths that are still in my head. The lies about how could God love me when no man does. I mean my own husband ran away to someone else why would God stay with me? The lie that I wasn't good enough to keep a job, a man, a good friend, my father in my life so why would I be good enough for God to send me on such an important mission. The lie that I am a failure at most things in life I mean I can't even keep up a basic exercise or diet routine how could I possibly succeed in India when I fail at such easy stuff here?

LIES all LIES!

Something that I have heard, misinterpreted, overheard, believed, allowed to be told to me, let warp into my daily thoughts. But, they are all lies. Whether or not I go to India doesn't affect God's love for me. Whether or not I am picked for this time doesn't mean that he still doesn't have great plans for me in the future. No matter what my future holds I know it is good, and full of blessings. For he knows the plans He has for me. Plans to prosper and bless not to harm ~ Jeremiah 29:11 

There is a reason Paul told us to Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong ~ 1 Corinthians 16:13. He told us this as a warning. The moment you accept Christ as your Savior and leader, the moment you put your faith and trust in Him. The enemy will attack and the enemy knows you better than anyone. After all he's had 31 years to study me and he knew where to hit immediately. So here I stand in front of you letting you know I am now on my guard, I am standing firm in my faith in the Lord and I plan to be the strongest woman of courage I can be knowing that God has my back. If you are in a waiting period remember to plant your feet and stand strong. Remember to know the enemy is the one that wants you to fail and waver but, if you cry out to God He not only hears you He will rescue you He promises us that.

Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. ~ Isaiah 58:9

To the LORD I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill. Selah ~ Psalm 3:4

He said: "In my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me. From the depths of the grave I called for help, and you listened to my cry ~ Jonah 2:2

In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. ~ Psalm 18:6