So I ask you what would you do?
I apparently have a lizard in my bathroom that didn't decide to show himself until I was already naked and wet with soap in my hair. What would you do if you were in the middle of a shampoo and saw something shoot across the floor and up the wall? Would you scream like a little girl? Cause that's what I did. FYI doesn't seem to bother people here in India. After I regained what little bit of dignity a person who is naked, wet with shampoo still in their hair and screaming can regain I decided that I was going to finish my shower lizard be damned.
Filthy little bugger was laughing at me the whole time. Now I know some of you are thinking how can a lizard laugh? With his eyes... its all in his eyes. So much for a peaceful shower I mumbled through the remaining 2 second shower. Then as I sped through the rest of the shower I wondered what kind of neighbors do I have that just totally ignored me screaming where am I America? Jeez.
Needless to say after a very intense 2 second rinsing shower where I started at Fred and he stared at me I quickly jumped out and wrapped a towel around me. Talk about modesty coming into play in a MAJOR way. Seriously stop laughing and think about how long would you stay naked in a shower while a lizard watched?!? yeah that's what I thought. After wrapping up in a towel which gave me some confidence... okay and a small pep talked that went like this, "Sara you are a strong, independent woman. You have faced roaches, ants, lice, and rats this last month. Hell you've become numb to the fact there numerous spiders living currently in your apartment and let us not forget the roach you killed that was almost as big as your foot. YOU CAN FREAKING HANDLE A LIZARD..." So I grabbed my squeegee and held it up to the bugger. Wondering how I would explain to the hospital why my hip is broken when I slipped on the wet floor.
He ran I screamed and then quoted The Mummy, "And did I panic... I think not." Well honestly I did slightly for like a second or a minute. I mean after that I threw on my clothes ran to my bedroom and hid under the mosquito netting praying that lizards can't figure out how to get into the mosquito netting. Not to mention that every window I had open all of the sudden became a means for the nasty little creature to get back in so they of course had to be shut. 98 degree weather be damned no lizard was going to get me tonight. Did I mention that I also cursed the lizard as I pushed it out the window. Yeah I did I said, "Curse you Fred I hope the crow that lives out there and wakes me up at the crack of dawn every freaking morning eats you!" And you know what? I totally meant it.
I had thought I had adjusted to living here. I mean the roaches the size of my foot don't make me scream anymore even when they run over my foot. The ants in my kitchen have names now, the spiders too hell they are becoming my Wilson's... I even am use to the mosquito bites on the bottom of my foot (don't get me started on those I still don't know or understand how it happens.) Then this happens...I am drawing a line in the sand. There was no mention of freaking lizards in my welcome to India pamphlet I got at the airport: Welcome to India for the next six months you will eat every meal with rice, you will walk everywhere, your feet will always be dirty, you will drink from bottles, and squat when you pee with no toilet paper unless you bring it yourself. Here soon the temps will reach degree so hot you will lose 15lbs in a month from sweating so much. When the rains hit it will be just as hot with humidity reaching 100% so that you will never feel dry. During that time you won't be able to walk because the streets will flood. We have earthquakes here that if you are lucky you will sleep through. BUT NO MENTION TO ME ABOUT LIZARDS THAT JUMP OUT AND SCARE YOU WHEN YOU ARE TAKING A SHOWER.
And no he didn't have an Australian accent hence the name Fred. He was not nearly as cute as that one on TV nor did he try to sell me cheaper insurance. So I will no longer be sleeping with windows open b/c I will not wake up to lizards on the walls, nor will I be going to the bathroom at night anymore why? BECAUSE I REFUSE I just do... deal with it.
After typing this I realize that I have now become the crazy foreigner that screams and yells in her apartment for no apparently reason... that might explain some of the weird looks I've been getting lately...
I apparently have a lizard in my bathroom that didn't decide to show himself until I was already naked and wet with soap in my hair. What would you do if you were in the middle of a shampoo and saw something shoot across the floor and up the wall? Would you scream like a little girl? Cause that's what I did. FYI doesn't seem to bother people here in India. After I regained what little bit of dignity a person who is naked, wet with shampoo still in their hair and screaming can regain I decided that I was going to finish my shower lizard be damned.
Filthy little bugger was laughing at me the whole time. Now I know some of you are thinking how can a lizard laugh? With his eyes... its all in his eyes. So much for a peaceful shower I mumbled through the remaining 2 second shower. Then as I sped through the rest of the shower I wondered what kind of neighbors do I have that just totally ignored me screaming where am I America? Jeez.
Needless to say after a very intense 2 second rinsing shower where I started at Fred and he stared at me I quickly jumped out and wrapped a towel around me. Talk about modesty coming into play in a MAJOR way. Seriously stop laughing and think about how long would you stay naked in a shower while a lizard watched?!? yeah that's what I thought. After wrapping up in a towel which gave me some confidence... okay and a small pep talked that went like this, "Sara you are a strong, independent woman. You have faced roaches, ants, lice, and rats this last month. Hell you've become numb to the fact there numerous spiders living currently in your apartment and let us not forget the roach you killed that was almost as big as your foot. YOU CAN FREAKING HANDLE A LIZARD..." So I grabbed my squeegee and held it up to the bugger. Wondering how I would explain to the hospital why my hip is broken when I slipped on the wet floor.
He ran I screamed and then quoted The Mummy, "And did I panic... I think not." Well honestly I did slightly for like a second or a minute. I mean after that I threw on my clothes ran to my bedroom and hid under the mosquito netting praying that lizards can't figure out how to get into the mosquito netting. Not to mention that every window I had open all of the sudden became a means for the nasty little creature to get back in so they of course had to be shut. 98 degree weather be damned no lizard was going to get me tonight. Did I mention that I also cursed the lizard as I pushed it out the window. Yeah I did I said, "Curse you Fred I hope the crow that lives out there and wakes me up at the crack of dawn every freaking morning eats you!" And you know what? I totally meant it.
I had thought I had adjusted to living here. I mean the roaches the size of my foot don't make me scream anymore even when they run over my foot. The ants in my kitchen have names now, the spiders too hell they are becoming my Wilson's... I even am use to the mosquito bites on the bottom of my foot (don't get me started on those I still don't know or understand how it happens.) Then this happens...I am drawing a line in the sand. There was no mention of freaking lizards in my welcome to India pamphlet I got at the airport: Welcome to India for the next six months you will eat every meal with rice, you will walk everywhere, your feet will always be dirty, you will drink from bottles, and squat when you pee with no toilet paper unless you bring it yourself. Here soon the temps will reach degree so hot you will lose 15lbs in a month from sweating so much. When the rains hit it will be just as hot with humidity reaching 100% so that you will never feel dry. During that time you won't be able to walk because the streets will flood. We have earthquakes here that if you are lucky you will sleep through. BUT NO MENTION TO ME ABOUT LIZARDS THAT JUMP OUT AND SCARE YOU WHEN YOU ARE TAKING A SHOWER.
And no he didn't have an Australian accent hence the name Fred. He was not nearly as cute as that one on TV nor did he try to sell me cheaper insurance. So I will no longer be sleeping with windows open b/c I will not wake up to lizards on the walls, nor will I be going to the bathroom at night anymore why? BECAUSE I REFUSE I just do... deal with it.
After typing this I realize that I have now become the crazy foreigner that screams and yells in her apartment for no apparently reason... that might explain some of the weird looks I've been getting lately...
Sara...I just have one question and for the record I only laughed a little! At what point did Fred get his name? At the rinsing of shampoo, or after the squeegee or after the mad dash under the mosquito net. I mean.. I'm just wondering and really laughing now....LOL
ReplyDeletePS he has now moved into my dinning area and I'm scared to eat there. As I type this I keep looking up at the ceiling to see if he's moved closer LOL it's all fun and games until I look up and he's no longer in that spot then I run the net around my bed
DeleteI'm not sure when or how he got the name. I just know that every time I see a little brown lizard I just say "Hello Fred" he clicks at me and scurries away. Laugh go ahead its funny when you're not in the midst of the crisis I laugh now too. But I'm telling ya it wasn't cool at all when it was happening. Lands I about booked a flight home that night LOL. I think God does this to keep me on my toes. Just when I think I have it under control God sends Fred to show me I don't ;)
ReplyDelete