Love part 2

So yesterday I wrote about how hard it is to love yourself, to realize that you are wonderfully and fearfully made. That God who formed you did so knowing all your sins (ones you have already committed and those still to be committed.) He planned you from the beginning of time and knew what great things would happen for His kingdom through you.

All those times you’ve cried He’s held very tear. Every time you screamed He heard. Every time you’ve fallen to your knees and cried out He was sitting right beside you rubbing your back. Yet still we all suffer doubt and lack of confidence that we are loved and cherished.

With those thoughts swimming in my head last night I prayed to God to help me understand why my confidence is so shaky now. Why is the enemy attacking that area of my life at this moment? Then it hit me that I am going to need confidence these next few days, weeks or months for something big. What for I'm not sure but, obviously I need confidence. That was a light bulb moment for me.

Then I woke up to this verse this morning on my phone. Hebrews 10:35-36 à So do not throw away your confidenceß Key phrase I have been suffering from the lack of confidence in myself as a chosen daughter of God. After all isn’t self-esteem our version of confidence? The lack of self-esteem is the lack of confidence or faith in us and the lack of faith or trust in God?

The next part of the verse states à It will be richly rewardedß The way I read this do not throw away your confidence in Christ or your faith in what He is doing in your life. For that confidence in Christ will be richly rewarded.

What is the reward you ask well the next verse à36 you need to persevere/endure so that when you have done the Will of God you will receive what HE has promised you.ß I take this to mean that if I put God first and His will for my life first that he will follow through on His promise which is àfor yet in a very little while He who is coming will come and will not delayß He has promised us that this is not our home, that this suffering, this loneliness and sadness will pass. For one day He is coming back and when He does all of us who have endured in our faith will be received into the place where no pain can find us.

Do not loose heart, do not give up your faith endure through the hardships. Don’t listen to the enemy. Don’t believe that hateful voice that lives in your head telling you half-truths and lies. Instead turn and listen to Christ as He whispers how much He loves you and you will feel fulfilled. Too many times we have been told by others and the world that in order to be happy we must buy into the latest and greatest methods. We need the newest shoes, the best computer, the latest gadget, the nicest vehicle, or the best vacation. When really all we need to be happy and satisfied on this Earth is Christ Jesus. Remember all that he has done for you so that you can be richly rewarded.

Please remember that this IS NOT YOUR HOME. This place of hurt, anger, sadness and ugliness is a temporary place full of nothing but hardships and trials with a glimpse of happiness. But, it is not permanent God is coming and He is going to relieve the pain. He is going to replace the loneliness, He is going to heal the broken hearted and wipe every tear from our face.

Where we are going it won’t matter what we owned, how we dressed, how many people liked us. What will matter is if you kept the faith, fought the good fight and remained strong in your love of God (2 Timothy 4:7 paraphrasing).

Love

Why is loving ourselves always the hardest thing we can do? Why and how can we expect people to love us when half of the time we can’t stand ourselves? The other half we spending wondering why we are not prettier, skinny, funnier, smarter (not sure that is even a word); more popular, richer or even just appreciate by so and so more. Why is loving ourselves so hard?

I struggle with this and as a Christian woman I struggle with it more than I should. Theoretically I know that I am created by a loving God who has fearfully and wonderfully made me. He knows the hairs on my head; he planned me from the beginning of time. He died for the sins that I have and will commit. And yet he still formed me knowing all these faults. He loves me enough to send His only son to die for those sins and yet… it is hard some days to just love me.

It’s not that I think that I am ugly or stupid. Heck I happen to think I am a very pretty, pretty princess. I know that I can take care of myself. I am independent and know that I can and will survive at all cost. I am a fighter for those I love and those who need a fighter. I try to reach out to anyone who is hurting. I currently read numerous books and articles to stay up on interesting facts. (Sometimes those facts and tidbits are only interesting to me but, hey at least I stay up on them). I like to think that I have a good sense of humor and I love to make people laugh even at my own expense and yet still I find myself wondering why would anyone love me?

Or here’s the one the enemy LOVES to throw at me when I am really feeling low. Why would any man want me? Who wants the funny, semi-cute princess who reads? Or, or this one is great… a man like that would never date anyone like you.

Yeah have that running around in your head 24 hours a day or every time a cute guy walks by. Even better when you are actually having a decent conversation with a man and then you hear the whisper men like this don’t date fat girls like you. EVERY BLOODY TIME

It’s a miracle that I have survived this long with the semi intact self-esteem I have. Thankfully I have a WONDERFUL support system that when I hear that talk I instantly call, text, or email a quick HELP ME I need prayers being attacked message and they all jump in. Between their prayers, my mother’s prayers, and me on my knees the enemy is thrown away. Until the next time that is.

So why do I allow him to keep getting the upper hand? My parents were and currently are wonderful they always and still do tell me how pretty, smart, funny and creative I am. I have friends who literally will kick my butt (I’m talking about you D & M) when I start getting down on myself. I have a fantastic brother who always tells me that it’s the men that are intimidated by me (LOVE you B) and yet the enemy still has a foot hold in this one aspect of my life.

I’d like to tell you that it was b/c of my divorce. It has to be b/c my husband and best friend left me for someone else who was prettier, skinny and well shit just better at athletic stuff. And yet while that is part of it I know for a fact it isn’t the whole story. Hell I suffered from this LONG before the cheating even before the dating of said ex…

I honestly believe that in order to have other people you have to love yourself. Completely and fully to embrace everything about you that you fear others might not like. To own up to your secret geek, or your super comic book collection or hell own up to the fact you have a CRAP ton of shoes that you DON’T EVER wear. Whatever secret it is that you are ashamed of or embarrassed by own it. If you feel fat (like I do EVERY DARN DAY) they own it. I’m not saying that you should go out there in super tight fitting clothing and flaunt it. So what if you don’t look like Kate Moss (I don’t even know if she is still cool) so what if you don’t look like an air brushed model that really doesn’t look like a normal person. And on that topic what woman have you met in your life who said with complete confidence “I love the way I look” and you really believed her? What I am saying is admit it to yourself that you are fat and work on it. Don’t kill yourself by working out every day (or by jumping in and doing Insanity after sitting on your butt for a year) but start doing something. Even if it is walking one day a week or playing Xbox for an hour dancing but, do something so that when the enemy throws that at you… you will have a response.

If you feel stupid own it and admit it. So what if you don’t know politics? Who cares and if they do then why are you hanging out with them? Who cares if you don’t know physics hell everything I know about the topic I learned from Big Bang Theory or Eureka and yet somehow everyone seems to think that I’m smart.

Needless to say this is supposed to be a pep talk for not only you but for me. You see we were all made fearfully and wonderfully. We were all designed in the image of God and planned from before we were conceived. We were chosen to be a part of something great. We were made to have a purpose and a future full of hope and blessings. This is not our home this is not our final resting place. It does not matter if we are fat, stupid, black, white, tan, smart, pretty, rich, funny or famous. What matters is what we do for the one person who made us and loves us for who we are in Him.

So when I am feeling really down or the enemy has a good hold on me I SHOUT. I promise you I literally SHOUT out that I am loved, I am cherished and My God not only thinks I am beautiful the way I am but, He has great plans for me. When He looks down He says “This is my daughter, the one I love and the one I am proud of.”

I believe that every time I fight the enemy and every time I fall in love with the transformation that God has done in me He looks down and smiles. Knowing that joke that no one laughed at was funny to Him. After all who do you think gave me this sense of humor (you know He laughs right along with me and thought it was hilarious)
End point and lesson I swear. YOU are LOVED, YOU are CHERISHED, and YOU were CREATED for a greater purpose.  

 

 If you struggle with this and want to talk about it privately I am always up for listening! Feel free to email me!

Faith

It’s funny to me the way God works. He does things that seem so logical after the fact yet during the middle of the storm seem almost unrecognizable.

Sometimes our thoughts become so diluted we forget who God really is. By forgetting who He is we expect Him to act and think like us. After all He created us so why wouldn’t He think like us? He promised to grant us the desires of our heart.(Psalm 37:4) Yet He doesn’t in a way we understand and when He doesn’t respond in a way in which we desire we get angry, confused, frightened, and frustrated. The whole time we are pouting and shouting God is working out the finest of details to bring us the best blessings. Sometimes we get so tied up in the BIG picture that we forget to get what we desire He has to work out the small details. Sometimes the one desire we have in our hearts is so massive that it takes time and sometimes our desires rely on another person to be ready.

When we demand that God do things on our time table we are basically telling Him you can’t handle this so let the expert take over…

Think about that. WE declare that WE know better than the Creator of the Universe. WE know better than the Lord of all, “who knew US before we were formed in the womb.” (Jeremiah 1:5) When we take over or try to solve the problem are we not just laughing at the word faith that we
throw around?

After all as Christians can we really describe what faith is? Is it a movement? A thought? A feeling? Is it something that if a person asked you to describe in one sentence you could? Or is faith something that you feel something that you know deep down you have. And when is faith acted out in trust or in walking by it. If you walk by faith (2 Corinthians 5:7) do you never question the Lord or do you question Him in quiet and silent wonder if He really is listening?

How many times have you question Lord “do you really hear me when I cry out to you?” I know David told us I cried out to you Lord and you heard my pleas (Psalm 17:6). But, Lord do you hear mine? If so how come you haven’t answered me yet? How come I can never hear you? And please those of you out there getting ready to say be still and know I am God (Psalm 46:10) don’t. I know that it has become one of those phrases that are over used. I KNOW I need to be still and listen but, sometimes I also need to cry out and ask for peace. Sometimes I just need to know that He heard me.

 

Sometimes I just need reassurance. Or is that all part of faith? Is it part of the walking with God and trusting that even though in this very moment I may not understand I know that He is still working? That He holds me in His hand and won’t let me go (John 10:28). Maybe by just simply repeating this I can remember all those times when I looked back and saw that everything was done in His time to His perfect glory and now it all makes sense.

Would I believe you when you would say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day
Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do
Well I'm broken- but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken- pouring Your words of grace
Well hallelujah, hallelu
(I will walk by faith)
Well hallelujah, hallelu
(I will walk by faith)
I will walk, I will walk, I will walk by faith
I will, I will, I will walk by faith
Walk by Faith By Jeremy Camp