Why is loving ourselves always the hardest thing we can do?
Why and how can we expect people to love us when half of the time we can’t
stand ourselves? The other half we spending wondering why we are not prettier,
skinny, funnier, smarter (not sure that is even a word); more popular, richer
or even just appreciate by so and so more. Why is loving ourselves so hard?
I struggle with this and as a Christian woman I struggle
with it more than I should. Theoretically I know that I am created by a loving
God who has fearfully and wonderfully made me. He knows the hairs on my head;
he planned me from the beginning of time. He died for the sins that I have and
will commit. And yet he still formed me knowing all these faults. He loves me
enough to send His only son to die for those sins and yet… it is hard some days
to just love me.
It’s not that I think that I am ugly or stupid. Heck I
happen to think I am a very pretty, pretty princess. I know that I can take
care of myself. I am independent and know that I can and will survive at all
cost. I am a fighter for those I love and those who need a fighter.
I try to reach out to anyone who is hurting. I currently read numerous books
and articles to stay up on interesting facts. (Sometimes those facts and tidbits
are only interesting to me but, hey at least I stay up on them). I like to
think that I have a good sense of humor and I love to make people laugh even at
my own expense and yet still I find myself wondering why would anyone love me?
Or here’s the one the enemy LOVES to throw at me when I am
really feeling low. Why would any man want me? Who wants the funny, semi-cute princess
who reads? Or, or this one is great… a man like that would never date anyone
like you.
Yeah have that running around in your head 24 hours a day or
every time a cute guy walks by. Even better when you are actually having a
decent conversation with a man and then you hear the whisper men like this don’t
date fat girls like you. EVERY BLOODY TIME
It’s a miracle that I have survived this long with the semi
intact self-esteem I have. Thankfully I have a WONDERFUL support system that when
I hear that talk I instantly call, text, or email a quick HELP ME I need prayers
being attacked message and they all jump in. Between their prayers, my mother’s
prayers, and me on my knees the enemy is thrown away. Until the next time that
is.
So why do I allow him to keep getting the upper hand? My
parents were and currently are wonderful they always and still do tell me how pretty, smart, funny and
creative I am. I have friends who literally will kick my butt (I’m talking
about you D & M) when I start getting down on myself. I have a fantastic brother
who always tells me that it’s the men that are intimidated by me (LOVE you B)
and yet the enemy still has a foot hold in this one aspect of my life.
I’d like to tell you that it was b/c of my divorce. It has
to be b/c my husband and best friend left me for someone else who was prettier,
skinny and well shit just better at athletic stuff. And yet while that is part
of it I know for a fact it isn’t the whole story. Hell I suffered from this
LONG before the cheating even before the dating of said ex…
I honestly believe that in order to have other people you
have to love yourself. Completely and fully to embrace everything about you
that you fear others might not like. To own up to your secret geek, or your
super comic book collection or hell own up to the fact you have a CRAP ton of
shoes that you DON’T EVER wear. Whatever secret it is that you are ashamed of
or embarrassed by own it. If you feel fat (like I do EVERY DARN DAY) they own
it. I’m not saying that you should go out there in super tight fitting clothing
and flaunt it. So what if you don’t look like Kate Moss (I don’t even know if
she is still cool) so what if you don’t look like an air brushed model that
really doesn’t look like a normal person. And on that topic what woman have you
met in your life who said with complete confidence “I love the way I look” and
you really believed her? What I am saying is admit it to yourself that you are
fat and work on it. Don’t kill yourself by working out every day (or by jumping
in and doing Insanity after sitting on your butt for a year) but start doing
something. Even if it is walking one day a week or playing Xbox for an hour
dancing but, do something so that when the enemy throws that at you… you will
have a response.
If you feel stupid own it and admit it. So what if you don’t
know politics? Who cares and if they do then why are you hanging out with them?
Who cares if you don’t know physics hell everything I know about the topic I
learned from Big Bang Theory or Eureka and yet somehow everyone seems to think
that I’m smart.
Needless to say this is supposed to be a pep talk for not
only you but for me. You see we were all made fearfully and wonderfully. We
were all designed in the image of God and planned from before we were
conceived. We were chosen to be a part of something great. We were made to have
a purpose and a future full of hope and blessings. This is not our home this is
not our final resting place. It does not matter if we are fat, stupid, black,
white, tan, smart, pretty, rich, funny or famous. What matters is what we do
for the one person who made us and loves us for who we are in Him.
So when I am feeling really down or the enemy has a good
hold on me I SHOUT. I promise you I literally SHOUT out that I am loved, I am
cherished and My God not only thinks I am beautiful the way I am but, He has
great plans for me. When He looks down He says “This is my daughter, the one I
love and the one I am proud of.”
I believe that every time I fight the enemy and every time I
fall in love with the transformation that God has done in me He looks down and
smiles. Knowing that joke that no one laughed at was funny to Him. After all
who do you think gave me this sense of humor (you know He laughs right along
with me and thought it was hilarious)
End point and lesson I swear. YOU are LOVED, YOU are CHERISHED, and YOU were CREATED for a greater purpose.
End point and lesson I swear. YOU are LOVED, YOU are CHERISHED, and YOU were CREATED for a greater purpose.
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