He knows, the way that I take. ~ Job 23:10

I am reading a devotional (actually take that back I am reading a ton of them) the current one I am reading is the same one I read overseas that for some reason just really spoke to me while I was over there. It is called Streams in the Desert and boy howdy does it still speak here.

Right now I am an a desert period of life. School is ending and there is no job in sight. Read that again because while it might not seem major to some of you it is a BIG deal to me. Let me set up the story for you so that you can understand.

I have ALWAYS worked... always. Yes there have been breaks in between during transitions, life, or just searching moments. They have never lasted longer then a few months at most. This period of my life (going back to school) for 3 years has been the longest I have gone without a job. And even during those 3 months I still managed to work off and on in retail. Now here I am getting ready to graduate from a program in less then 3 weeks (yes I am sensing the theme) and I still have no job interviews, no job in mind, and no direction from God.

To say that I am freaking out is putting it mildly. To say that I was getting mad at God for not preparing me for this is also putting it mildly. I mean how can you call me to go back to school to give up so much, to go to India all to come back to this. No job, no career in sight, no hope, and no money (which sadly I do need to provide for not only myself but mom).

Then it hit me (and may I just add that when God hits me with how ungrateful I am He never does it gently. Fine, fine yes He does b/c He unlike me is a gentleman who doesn't want me knocked out, but severely humbled. Anyway I digress) as I read this..

O believer, what a glorious assurance this verse is! What confidence I have because "the way I take" - this way of trials and tears, however winding, hidden, or tangled - "He knows!"! There is an almighty Guide who knows and directs my steps, whether they lead to the bitter water at the well of Marah or to the joy and refreshment of the oasis at Elim (Ex. 15:23, 27). The furnace may be hot, but not only can I trust the hand that lights the fire, I can also have the assurance the fire will not consume but only refine. When I feel God is the farthest away, He is often the nearest to me. "When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way" (Ps. 142:3).

And if that wasn't enough here is the nail that sealed my "shut your mouth" argument...

The pain would be removed from many an agonizing trial if only I could see what Job saw during his time of severe affliction, when all earthly hope lay dashed at his feet. He saw nothing bu the hand of God - God's hand behind the swords who attacked his servants and cattle, and behind the devastating lightning; God's hand giving wings to the mighty desert winds, which swept away his children: and God's hand in the dreadful silence of his shattered om. Thus, seeing God in everything, Job could say, "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised" (Job 1:21).

Check mate.

Point taken.

I really would do better to listen to the advice I deal out regularly to the women I serve daily.

Needless to say this was my come to Jesus moment regarding once again "oh yeah of little faith, why did you doubt?" (Matt. 14:31) moment.

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I also hate when other devotionals tie into my lesson as if I didn't get it once (trust when I say I don't) so He makes sure to drive home the point...

This one is from Sarah Young's Jesus Calling for today

Listen to Me continually (let's just clear the record right now and state that I don't). I have much to communicate to you, so many people and situations in need of prayer (guilt). I am training you to set your mind on Me more and more, tuning out distractions through the help of My Spirit. (something that I desperately need to work on not just to hear You but in general to focus on You so that I can experience that peace that comes from that focus).
Walk with Me in holy trust (and why I don't is baffling you have never let me down thus far), responding to My initiatives rather than trying to make things fit your plans (guilty as charged. You never seem to work on my time table AT ALL and it does frustrate me). I died to set you free, and that includes freedom from compulsive planning (never looked at it this way). When your mind spins with a multitude of thoughts, you cannot hear My voice (sadly that makes more sense then I am wanting to admit to). A mind preoccupied with planning pays homage to the idol of control (crap I knew it was going to come back to that. It always comes back to that for me. I am starting to think my biggest sin is control not pride although to be honest I think they go hand in hand). Turn away from idolatry back to ME (fair enough! Please forgive me from this). Listen to Me and live abundantly!

April 13th devotional by Sarah Young

Words from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young (my thoughts as reading in pink)

When I give you no special guidance (crap like now I feel as if you haven't talked to me about the future in a long time and really feel lost), stay were you are (really I just don't like it here). Concentrate on doing your everyday tasks in awareness of My Presence with you (and that might be where I go wrong. Is it so wrong to want to look ahead and know where we are going? I mean I know that you have me and are keeping me safe but still just a little hint at times might be nice). Thus you invite Me into every aspect of your life (which we both know I suck at doing especially now... I hate when you hand me lessons like this). Through collaborating with Me in all things, you allow My Life to merge with yours (which is after all what I have been praying for isn't it? I mean if I am honest all I have begged from you over the last few years is to use me and send me. Yet here I am bucking at the restraint of not being used. And if I am being honest I look less  and less in your direction when you are not moving in a big way through my life).  This is the secret not only of joyful living but also of victorious living (well crap). I designed you to depend on Me moment by moment (which I don't), recognizing that apart from Me you can do nothing (well double crap I hate when the truth hits so hard).

Be thankful for quiet days (something I definitely need to work on), when nothing special seems to be happening (those always are the days that frustrate me the most). Instead of being bored by the lack of action (ouch), use times of routine to seek My Face (wow that hurts a little. It does make me wonder why I don't seek Him in times of boredom...). Although this is an invisible transaction, it speaks volumes in spiritual realms (double ouch I always forget that and then wonder why my relationship with God isn't stronger?). Moreover, you are richly blessed when you walk trustingly with Me through the routines of your day (I felt blessed when I am obedient and yet I forget that the everyday stuff is also being obedient).

I always hate it when I'm wrong and I especially hate it when a daily devotional hits so close to home. I think the reason I hate it so much is simply b/c it is right. I shared this with you today so that maybe if it hit this close to home for me it might do the same for you. 

A lot of the times in our life we get so wrapped up in the daily routines and feel stuck or worse bored with everything wondering why God doesn't move more in our lives or doesn't talk as much to us. We forget it in these times of boredom and little movement that our eyes should be extra strained on seeking Him. It is during these times that we have been given the great opportunity to rest and learn. To seek first Him and put Him first and in response the joy that we will receive from this simple act of trusting Him will take us further and build our relationship faster then any other act we could ever hope to do. 

Anupam Sharma my dear friend

Today I learned that a dear friend of my was taken from us. For those of you who know me, you know that I am an only child. My whole life I have desired brothers and sisters, but due to my personality it is hard for me to allow people in. Allow them in enough to truly think of them as a brother or sister, to care for them as such, and be willing to do anything I can for them as a I would for my own flesh and blood. This person taken from us today was one of those few that I can honestly say I called brother and meant it.

Anupam Sharma

played such a HUGE role in my life and time in India. He was the one that made sure I got to where I needed to go. He explained to me why sitting side saddle would end both of us and then proceeded to command that I ride like a man (read about that crappy adventure here). He was the one that would get me a coke everyday so that I would have a piece of home while I was over there. He also was the one who kept a running tab on how much I drank and owed him. I apparently short changed him and owed him some when I left...

He was the one that kept me from dying on freaking rickshaws (that lovely horror story can be found here). He was the one that always laughed, always smiled, always took pictures. He was the one that would go places he truly didn't want to but knew that we did (AKA the boat ride - he never let go of that post). He was the one that would do whatever need we asked without question.

He was hands down the sweetest, most gentle man, with the biggest heart that I have ever know. Oh how I will miss your quirky comments, "Your ecstasy is coming Sorai" (Long story needless to say my apartment over there was called the ecstasy enclave so when taking me back from dinner one night this is what he said out loud to all of us in the car it still makes me laugh to this day). I will miss his laugh (HA HA HA) always three always deep chuckles. I will miss his horrible advice (green tea will help you lose weight, "you would be beautiful if you were thinner, you should never ride that way, wrong shoes Sorai). His even worse nicknames for me "Brownie, Soria..."

But most important I will miss him and how I always felt safe in his presence even when he was making fun at me.

Rest in peace Pom Pom you will never be forgotten!

A little bit of Faith goes a long way.

I am currently re-reading the Bible from Beginning to End with the thought that I don't know the outcome. So in other words trying to figure out how God will answer his promise. I'm currently in Genesis (hey it's been a rough month) and BOOM it hits me...

Why do I always pray at 10pm (give or take) and expect an answer by 7am? Not only do I expect an answer at 7am I want it hand delivered by God tap dancing and saying "Hey Sara you were right, man you did truly need it, here you go Ta-Da" and poof the answer is there with whistles and bells. And yet as I'm reading through the 1st book of the Bible no less half the people don't even get to see their promises from God nor prayers come true in their life times. Did Eve ever get to see her seed strike the head of the serpent? Did Abraham see his descendants as numerous as the stars? I'm sure there are more I'm missing (and wait til we get to Moses) but for now you get the point. None of the greats saw their promises come full circle in the way they (like me) probably envisioned it.

So why do I expect an immediate answer? Heck it took Sarah an additional 20+ years (don't quote me on that) after a promise to Abraham for a son, a mis-step (when she tried to take control), and laughing AT GOD (granted behind His back but let's keep it real that was a risk) before she actually saw her promised son (whom by and by she named Laughter aka Isaac). Yet I want my prayer answered before I wake up the next morning, regardless of what is in the works b/c let's face it I apparently know better then God and deserve to have what I want and need right now.

As I write this it strikes me how dangerous and silly to demand and expect this from God (Uh hello my name is Sara I do tend to take after the female) it also struck me... how can one have Faith if one is given everything at once on demand. If one is given everything at once when one ask for it, one in fact has a genie. Not a wonderful, loving, compassionate God who is not trying to trick, make angry, take away from, enslave or punish the person praying. But, a God who works all things to HIS glory not SARA'S glory, but HIS. Who does not think like us ~ "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord" Isaiah 55:8

"So is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purposes for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:11

So maybe, just maybe I should sit back, relax and know that God has this. He is in control and Sara doesn't know everything as much as she thinks she does. If God is waiting to answer a prayer then maybe Sara should just have enough Faith to know that He a)heard her, b)loves her, and c)knows what is best for her which means He will answer it when it is time

Philippians 3:13-14

Brother, I  do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 3:13-14

How many of us have things in our past to which we would like to forget to move pass. I know I am one of those people who would love more than anything to forget the past and never talk about it again. Maybe that is why I love these verses so much. Paul was a man of single purpose. He had one aim and one ambition...

forgetting what is behind ~ this would mean not only forgetting his sins and failures (another thing I would like to forget), but it also hints at forgetting his natural privileges, attainments, and successes as well as his spiritual triumphs. See it is easy for us to simply forget our mistakes or at least hide them, but how many of us would be willing to give up our spiritual successes and privileges in order to strain toward what is ahead? In order to reach the what is up ahead and in store for us around the next bend in life we have to forget what is behind us moving only forward straining to get the goodness that God has in store for us in the future.

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus ~ looking at himself as a runner in a race Paul describes himself as exerting every effort towards the goal for the prize of the upward call of God. Can we say the same? I know there are few things in life that I exert myself for and very rarely is the goal of the upward call of Christ.

Now I know some would ask well what is the goal and prize. In 2 Timothy 4:7 (a verse I pray that someone will read at my own funeral and know that they are speaking the truth) I have fought the good fight I have finished the race I have kept the faith now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness. The goal is the finish line of the race. The goal is to live such a life others want to run behind you to reach for that glory and love they see shining through you. The goal is to live a life so much like Christ people ask you about him everyday.

My goal today and everyday forth is to run that race with the same passion and exertion that Paul demonstrates to us in this verse. To press on to the finish line without looking to the past and allowing it to weigh me down. My prayer for you is the same it is time to forget what is behind and press on towards the goal step by step one foot in front of the other until we reach the finish line.
 

Ephesians 1:3

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ ~ Ephesians 1:3

We learn from this verse that everything God is ever going to do for us, He has already done. Every spiritual blessing is already located in this unseen realm. Every promise God has made and plans to fulfill on your behalf, every gift you will ever receive, and every hope that will ever be satisfied has already been deposited in your account in the spiritual realm. God has "blessed us with every spiritual blessings in the heavenly places in Christ." Your blessings and victory are already located there with your name written on them, waiting for you to grab them, use them, and walk in them.

I just love the book of Ephesians. And can honestly say it is a book of hope for me in this book we learn so much from spiritual blessings to the full armor of God and how to use it when we need it. Look at what we learn in the first 3 chapters,
We are:
chosen predestined
adopted as sons
accepted in the Beloved
redeemed through His blood
Forgiven
sealed with the Holy Spirit
given the earnest of our inheritance

How can you not love this book? What's your favorite book or scripture which chapter do you find yourself turning to the most when you need that Spiritual pick me up?

Matthew 6:6

But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father who is unseen. Then your Father who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. ~ Matthew 6:6

 

"When you pray" --> no specific time nor instructions on when we are to pray. It does however, tell us that it is expected that we will pray. Jesus states that when you pray which implies that he expects us to be praying.

"go into your inner room" --> Location was not he point of this verse. It was not telling us to build a special place that we pray in or go to that location and location only when pray but what it is talking about here is the attitude of our prayers. Find a place that you can go to in order to talk to God without the temptation of showing off in your prayers or making them wordy.

"shut the door" --> Close out all distractions so that you can focus and completely concentrate on God and pray to Him and Him alone.

The most important secret He sees is not the words we say in the privacy of our room but the thoughts we have in the privacy of our hearts. Prayer that is thoughtless and detached is offensive to God and should be offensive to us as well.

Prayer more than anything else is sharing the needs, burdens, and hungers of our hearts with a  God who cares...
In other words it is time to talk to God share with him everything share with him the desires and wants of your heart go to Him in faith and know that he is listening....

*Prayer notes during a sermon I heard overseas*