Moving forward with Chapter 4

We are back in Chapter 4 of Exodus starting with v. 14 “Then the Lord’s anger burned against Moses and he said, “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and he will be glad to see you. You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do. He will speak to the people for you and it will be as if he were your mouth and as if you were God to him. But take this staff in your hand so you can perform the signs with it.”

• Side point: Because Moses was not confident enough (in himself or in the power that God was going to give him) with God’s best (himself) he had to take God’s second best, which was having Aaron as a spoke’s person and sadly that did not turn out well for Moses as we will see later when he leaves Aaron in charge and they all start worshiping a cow (seriously a golden one which doesn’t make matters any better).

• Also side point: The Lord’s anger burned against Moses: I don’t know about any of you but yo check this I don’t want the Lord’s anger to EVER burn against me. That scared me. I was like what does that mean? How scary was that for poor Moses to have the Lord’s anger burn against you? God is still saying you are going to have to talk but to Aaron and now I have to teach both of you what to do and say.

Whatever the anger was it proved to Moses not to give any more excuses and to just return to Egypt. So he does he packs up his wife and kids ask his father-in-law Jethro to go and off he heads. The Lord reassures him all those who want you dead are dead themselves (v. 19) And he starts the journey with the staff of God

• Side point: The Lord uses ordinary objects to do extraordinary things so that it can be plainly seen that the power of the object came from the Lord. – I read this and was like same can be said about people after all à Those excuses Moses advanced to the Lord to show his incapacity were the very reasons for God’s selection of him for the task… let that sink in

• The same excuses you present to God on why you are not worthy, not equip, not good enough, not prepared, not ready to do your calling are the very same reasons GOD picked YOU for the task at hand.

God goes on to give extra instructions to Moses and reminds him that He will harden Pharaoh’s heart (v. 21) now I believe that Pharaoh’s heart was already harden and God allowed it to stay that way, but it is clear as day written right here that God will harden it so we shall move on. Because these are important instructions to Moses and involve firstborn sons

“This is what the Lord says: Israel is my first born son, and I told you, “Let my son go, so that he may worship me.” But you refused to let him go; so I will kill your firstborn son.” – ah foreshadowing got to love it don’t you.  Also when the Lord wants results He does not play around.

Now v.24 gets interesting because we see a spot where before Moses can go forth and become the great Moses that he is he had to be humbled YET AGAIN and learn obedience YET AGAIN. 

v. 24-26 “At a lodging place on the way, the Lord met Moses (scary thought) and was about to kill him (oh my it just got worse). But Zipporah (Moses’ wife in case you were not aware) took a flint knife, cut of her son’s foreskin and touched Moses’ feet with it. “Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me, “(At that time she said bride-groom of blood.” Referring to circumcision) she said. So the Lord let him alone.”

If you recall which you may or may not it was a sign of the covenant made with Abraham in Genesis 17:9-14 every mail had to be circumcised within 8 days of being born or brought into the household in order to be part of the covenant. Apparently Moses had not done it with his son. Obedience is key when one is doing the calling of the Lord. It is also growth and that involves growing pains. Thankfully every time I have growing pains it has not gotten quite to the point of the Lord about to kill me as far as I know. And if it has I don't want to know let's be honest. 

Once that little piece of the puzzle was taken care of the Lord moved on to Aaron and had him go forth to meet Moses on the mountain of God. That place just sounds wonderful. Like let's go meet on the mountain of God. Great things surely happen on the mountain of God no? Like the bush that doesn't burn happens on the mountain of God where God appears? See great things happen there. Anyway Aaron and Moses meet there and they talked and Moses told Aaron everything that had happened. What was to come and the signs he was commanded to do.

From there they headed into Egypt and v. 29-31 “brought the elders of the Israelites together. Aaron told them everything the Lord had said to Moses, He also performed the signs before the people, and they believed. And when they heard that the Lord was concerned about them and had seen their misery they bowed down and worshiped.”

That last verse gets me every time, “And when they heard that he Lord was concerned about them and had seen their misery they bowed down and worshiped.” Sometimes all I need to know is that He is hearing me and that He is concerned about what I am going through. Yes I know we will get through it. Yes I know that He has me. But dang yo sometimes I just want to know that he is concerned. That’s all it takes. I love that they bowed down and worshiped Him. Should they have been doing this all along? Yes but, when it feels like silence for so long sometimes you go through the motions. Does it make it right? No. But, when you hear that God really does care and He was concerned enough to bring Moses and Aaron to you to help man how amazing that must have felt to them? He cared enough to do all this wow. 

Add to that they BOWED down and worshiped! When honestly was the last time you got off your butt on the church pew and BOWED DOWN on the grown face first to worship the LORD? Praising Him for all that He has and will do for you? Thanking Him for picking you? Thanking Him for loving you? Worshiping Him for just being Him? Man almighty I feel that it is time for me and as soon as this goes live I plan to have a bowing down worship session myself!!

What was your favorite part of Chapter 4? Next week we are getting into Chapter 5 and Bricks without Straw!

Signs For Moses (an added bonus this week)

God wanted Moses to perform 3 signs (AKA miracles) for the people if they didn’t believe him or listen to him when he went to him per God’s request (doubt 3 remember the lack of authority fear we discussed last week). Why signs? They were proof that a person was sent from God or by God a sort of commission that this person was legit and not a false teacher (this will be important for later on in the New Testament).

Sign 1:
v. 3-6 “The Lord said, “Throw it on the ground.” Moses threw it on the ground and it became a snake, and he ran from it (smart man I would not only run but scream). The Lord said to him, “Reach out your hand and take it by the tail.” So Moses reached out and took hold o the snake and it turned back into a staff in his hand. “This,“ said the Lord, “is so that they may believe that the LORD, the God of their fathers – the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob – has appeared to you.”

Why does the staff turn into a snake you ask? Good question, some believe it is to show the power of God over Satan. The first time I read that I was like interesting I don’t see it, but interesting none the less. I think I didn’t see it mainly because I was thinking “Lord you turn anything of mine into a snake I’m never going to use it again let alone go near it to touch it for it turn back into whatever it was before. And even if it did turn back into whatever it was before I’m not going to be okay just walking around with it what if it just randomly turned into a snake. Pass.” But, I am not Moses and this is not my story. So after getting pass the whole he turned my staff into a snake bit I thought on it more and remembered this was a time of faith. A time of hope and miracles, a time of a group of people crying and moaning out to God to rescue them. Wanting help a time when people wanted to believe in God and wanted proof that Not only does God exist, but that he was going to help them. And that he had power over the very real enemy that they saw every day in their lives. This right here would have been proof they needed for that very real situation. A powerful reminder to them that yes God did have power over the enemy and he was going to set them free.

Sign 2
v. 6-7 “Then the Lord said, “Put your hand inside your cloak.” So Moses put his hand into his cloak and when he took it out the skin was leprous – it had become as white as snow. “Now put it back into your cloak.” He said. So Moses put his hand back into his cloak, and when he took it out, it was restored, like the rest of his flesh.

Leprous = various diseases of the skin. Something we are very blessed in America to not have to deal much with nor worry about. However, in 3^rd world countries it is still very much alive and a disease many do face. People with this are considered scum, evil, poor, outcast who are treated poorly and unfairly. Which is when Jesus shows up on the scene and treats them with love and compassion and shows them a smile not fear and hate it was a new radical concept. Then he healed them without demanding anything SHOCKING I know…

But, I digress back to Moses we will eventually get to the wondrous man called Jesus I swear. Moses puts his hand in his cloak without hesitating when God asked him (I personally would be like there’s not going to be a snake in there right Lord we’re pass this snake trick correct? Again that’s just me) and poof he is sick then he puts it back in and poof he is well. I had to read that a few times and meditate on it. Read a few different articles before I grasp the roots of this sign. But, don’t you think this one is a lot like sin.

I mean let’s look at it closer. When one commits sin let’s say anger or gossip image if we did our sin instantly turned into a disfiguration of the sin (like the picture of Dorian Gray) so that everyone could see our sin it would look in a way leprous. The sin would be filthy it would cause us to feel shameful. We would hide and separate ourselves from God or others not wanting them to see or know us for what we were or are or had done. Scared that the disease would spread (as it tends to do when we are angry or gossip try it some time when you are angry see how fast others get angry too. Or take a rumor and watch it spread like a wild fire). Until we cried out to God and repented of that sin with our hearts asking him to forgive and truly meaning it and the “POOF” white as snow we come out clean. Brand new like never happened, completely healed our hearts and bodies able to go out and interact again learning the lesson of how that feels.

Now I am in no way saying people with skin disorders or sickness is caused by sin.
This sign however shows me what sin must look like for God. He sees us sick and mutilated by the sin until we cry out to him to heal us and fix us then we are clean and poof we are well.

Sign 3
v. 8-9 “Then the Lord said, “If they do not believe you or pay attention to the first sign, they may believe the second. But if they do not believe these two signs or listen to you, take some water from the Nile and pour it on the dry ground. The water you take from the river will become blood on the ground.”

Blood is the third sign. “Washed in the blood of the lamb” is my hint (you have to envision me singing at the top of my lungs in order to truly get it though) for you on this one. The moment I read it that old hymn popped into my head. “Are you washed in the blood, in the soul cleansing blood of the lamb.” Well you get it. This was a sign of being redeemed through the blood and what was about to come. Praise the Lord. I love foreshadowing people because it shows me how clever, truly clever, God is!

Are you washed in the blood by Alan Jackson just b/c

So clever that Moses doesn’t get it. To be fair though when I am in these situation when God and I are having a Moses and Him talk I don’t get the foreshadowing either. I am never like oh I see you’re foreshadowing. Nope usually I am like you’re not going to turn that into a snake are you? It’s not until I look back like 10 years later or *cough35years* later that I’m like I see what you did there now it makes sense. Unless God is gracious and gives me a neon sign that reads “Hey Sara right here beloved focus” I am probably going to miss something important and then 9 times out of 10 I am really going to also need angels singing in order to really get it, but God knows that about this special child of his so he prepares accordingly. So don’t feel bad if you are like Sara and Moses and miss the foreshadowing happens all the time. Just pray for signs and angels.

So now my questions to you what did you think of the signs? Does God ever give you signs along your journey (maybe not to preform) but to help guide you in the right direction?

Closer look at the excuses

We’re back in Exoduses today in Chapters 3 & 4 because I just can’t get enough of them. Plus there is just so much goodness to be had in those lovely chapters. Today I just want to take a closer look at the excuses that Moses throws up to the Lord. Not really the responses but the excuses themselves and how we can relate (or rather how I related to them all personal thoughts will be in the parenthesis you’re welcome).

Excuse 1:
v. 11 “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”

Oh excuse 1 is deeper then we first give credit for when rushing through at first glance. It is a root issue not a just a flippant response or excuse. Moses isn’t simply saying I give a pass. He’s asking a sincere question that even I have asked over the years.

Who am I

I am no one of importance in the scheme of things Lord. No one recognizes me. I was a babe drawn from the rive that the Pharaoh’s daughter took in and raised as a son then I spit on that and threw it away. I am no one.

Who am I?

Yes we all know Moses turns out to be someone. We all know he is important. We know that Pharaoh will recognize him, but take a moment to let it sink it he doesn’t. He doesn’t know how his story will end. I don’t know about you but, at least a dozen times in my life I’ve contemplated the same thing. I don’t know how my story shall end. Right now it’s been rather uneventful in the whole of history rather like Moses (granted no Pharaoh’s daughter ever took me in) but, to be honest I have no idea what they will write about me in history books. I still to this day have no idea why I was chosen to be an adopted daughter of the Lord. Yes I know I have a purpose to be fulfilled and yet I know not how my story shall end. So I ask

Who am I?

Remember that Moses killed a man? Yes for a righteous cause for beating another but one sin does not justify committing another.

Yet here is the Lord requesting his assistance to go and rescue his people from his brother from slavery. Go to the man that you were raised with as a brother and demand from this man that he release all his slaves because I say so. While you’re at it hope he has forgotten you killed one of his guards and fled from his side without saying goodbye. Moses’ is like “who am I to do such a thing? I’ve been herding sheep for the love of all things for 40 years? I freaking old I don’t have an army? What the what? What claim do I have? Don’t you know what crimes I have committed against this same Pharaoh? Don’t you know what I have done?” Granted Moses doesn’t come out and say all that (I mean when God calls you doesn’t some of your worst sins pop quickly into your head?) instead he keeps it classy and simply says,

“Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”

Excuse 2

v. 13 “Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, the God of your (not our) fathers has sent me to you and they ask me, “What is his name?” Then what shall I tell them?”

Now excuse number 2 is just us playing the fantastic game of what if. We only play this game when we are either bored (which let’s be honest when a bush is on fire but not burning and the Lord is a talking through said bush you are probably not bored) drunk (which is this situation is possibly but probably not going to make it in the BIBLE for Pete’s sake so for the sake of an argument let’s side on the sake of sanity and say Moses wasn’t drinking on the job) or scared. We only play this game when the Lord is talking to us when we are scared.

I like to play it at work here’s a classic version of how my what if scenario goes: What if the sky is falling while I am trapped at work on a Tuesday (always on a Tuesday never any other day) and zombies are eating my boss’ face (sorry boss I don’t think this ever going to actual happen) off should I go ahead and finish this report or go ahead and head for home?

See how silly the what if situations can get? When Moses does the What If game I want to smack my forehead in excuse 2 and go Seriously Moses? SERIOUSLY?

PS Don’t act like you’ve never played the game. 

PSS: Anytime you have played this game you usually have done it in a fear or doubt induced 

moment. Take a second and think about it. When God is involved and we play the what if game it is usually because we are either doubting what He is throwing down or we are scared about what He is suggesting. I would bet money on it (then donate it because otherwise that would be wrong)

Excuse 3

Chapter 4 v.1 “WHAT IF (fear/doubt) they don’t believe me or listen to me and say, “The Lord did not appear to you.””

Now this one is not only driven by the classic what if game but, it also hits at a lot of our own natural insecurities does it not? I mean come on! How many times have we not wanted to tell certain people God told me this or God showed me that because we know that if we do they will either snicker at us, roll their eyes or question us and be like, are you sure it was God? 

There is nothing worse than having someone doubt that what you heard or saw was from God especially if you shared it with them in good faith and truly believed it to be so. Because then you start questioning it yourself.

Well crap on a cracker was it really from God? I mean come on after all it was just me, God and this burning bush that didn’t really burn. Did it really happened? WHAT IF (fear and doubt) it doesn’t happen exactly the I think it should is it still from God?
Crap on a cracker
See how it starts to spiral. Moses even though it is fear and doubt driven and definitely not faith based brought up an excuse WE ALL can at our very core relate to and at some point have suffered from, struggled with, or used at some point. When we are given a message, purpose, or vision from God there is at some small point a voice inside that goes WHAT IF they don’t believe it is from God,
WHAT IF they don’t believe me?

Excuse 4
v. 10 “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.

Oh Moses, how I love thee. Now we get to the superficial part of the excuses. The stuff man can see our beautiful insecurities that keep us from doing the things we love in life but, also keep us from doing the things God calls us to do too. They are things that people throughout our lives have pointed out to us as our weaknesses, or have teased us on, made fun of, used against us, or just pointed out and have stuck such as

-          Our weight

-          The way we mispronounce things

-          Our speech impediments

-          The way we talk with our hands

-          The way we blush too much

-          Our ADD

-          Our shyness

-          Our loudness

-          Our ability to blink as if our eyelids have wings

-          You name it and insert it here

Because Moses has your back on this and he attempted to use it on God as an excuse to get him out of a calling for you. Guess what brothers and sisters… it didn’t work. So I promise you this if it didn’t work for Moses it isn’t going to work for you (heads up buttercup)

Excuse 5 well not really an excuse at this point more of a plea
v. 13 “Pardon your servant, Lord, Please send someone else.”

Moses was like, “Look Lord I’ve presented 4 very good reasons why this isn’t a good idea so I am going to level with you Lord and be a straight shooter. It would just be better off for both of us if you would just send someone else. Okay thanks hugs and kisses Moses”

Ha! I love it! He’s polite and to the point with a cherry on top. Please Lord Jesus send someone else, ask anyone else but, me and thank you. Drops the mike and tries to walk off. But, God is done 

playing at this point and doesn’t let him get away with it. 

Which is where we will pick up next week: God’s anger burning against Moses (fun times)

Because the Lord does not always give us what we ask for, sometimes He gives us what He needs (which in turn), turns out to be what we need.

It’s getting good now folks I promise, hold on because you will want to stick around for the next bits J

Oh Moses how I love thee

There is so much yummy goodness in the book of Exodus that I love. Today however, I am going to just stick to chapter 3 and part of 4 the month of February I am going to dig in deep to Moses and seeing how he is my spirit animal AKA soul mate I can't wait to see how much more I find out about the man. For now let’s start the month off early and right with Chapter 3 and how I am at my root Moses in his early days.

The end of v. 4 “Here I am” really calls to me for numerous reasons. The first being I just love it. 

I love it. God calls “Moses, Moses” and he responses quickly and willingly with “Here I am” then in v. 11 turns right around in the same breathe and says “Who am I that I should go…” (in your name) I feel should have been added but we will get there.

Moses was curious enough to go closer to a burning bush that does not burn. Curious enough to seek it out. Desperate enough to want to be used by God and yet so scared of the calling finds any reason to be worthy enough to be the right one after hearing his purpose.  Here’s how I envisioned Moses internal thoughts Oh surely Lord you want someone else? After all who am I to go to Pharaoh and do that?
Why does that self-doubt come into play when like Moses we so want to be used by God? We are so quick to cry out, “Here I am!” Lord Here I AM!” Right here LOOK, I am here you called my name and like a faithful servant I have been sitting here the whole time listening and waiting for you to do just that!” But, wait now you actually want me to do this? Are you sure? Can’t we start with something a little smaller like going to feed the poor 3 out of 5 days? I mean what if I go the Israelites and say the God of your fathers sent me to free you and they say well bully for you prove it. And I'm all like how and they are all like well tell us what is his name? 

Then what Lord? I don’t want to be a fool. I don’t want people to laugh at me. I mean let’s be honest no one is going to believe this conversation and a burning bush. What then Lord? Lord are we sure we want to do this?

Let’s be honest people how many times have you had that conversation with God? It is for that reason alone that I love Moses. He’s my soul mate I mean God is right there in front of him, in a bush .. that is on fire... that won’t freaking burn and yet he is still pulling the ultimate game of what if. What if this Lord, well what if that Lord? Are you sure we want to do this Lord? Then to end it all God pulls out the freaking I AM card to shut him down but do you think that it works on Moses?

Homie still keeps playing the what if game to the nith degree. "Like Lord seriously this is not going to work. We are going to be made some laughing fools up in here. And to be honest, if I can Lord, by we I mean me. Cause in reality I am the one they are going to laugh right out of the town."

It is in this moment that I can almost picture the Lord as my mother smacking her forehead then slowly dragging that hand down over her eyes as she shakes her head sighing. But her patience is running thin.  However, God is more patience than my mother, thankfully, and He goes further with Moses then we would have and gives him a few tricks to boast his confidence. His rod turns into a snake and his hand becomes leprous then healthy when he puts it in his cloak.
I think cool beans; Moses is not however, impressed and continues down the naw this isn’t going to work for me train. But, Lord that’s all good and great thinks Moses "but your servant here well to be frank has never been what you would say eloquent yeah that’s the word I have never been eloquent with words. I am slow of speech and tongue."

Now see this is where had God been human he would have been like “Boy get your butt out this house and do what I told you! And don’t come back til those Israelites are with you, you hear! Don’t make me tell you again. I ain’t playing with you!”

Thankfully the Lord isn’t human and has far, far, far more patience with our excuses and Moses’ excuses then we do because he responded in such a way that reminded me of my grandmother. “Who do you think gave you your mouth?” Although to be fair I think the Lord meant it more in a helpful way while Grandma meant it more in a way of I will smack it. (Love you!) The Lord was saying he would give Moses the words to speak that “I will help you speak and will teach you what to say”. After reading that you would think that would fill him with peace. 

But no this is Moses we are talking about.  And keeping in mind with the theme we are going with here Moses didn’t want to do this. So he tried one last time. And he pulled out the big guns. “Pardon me” (I love this, the pardon me Lord, like if I bring manners to the table the Lord would say, “Oh look at the cute adorable manner filled child. He’s so sweet asking so polite you know what bless his heart since he said pardon and please I am going to give him a pass on this” not going to lie I have tried the please and thank you technique as well so I can’t hate on Moses too bad right now), “Pardon your servant Lord, Please send someone else.”

Oh snap. Moses had one purpose. On job in life, one calling and it was directly from God and he just asked God for a pass. Let that sink in.

How many times have we done the exact same thing?

When push comes to shove and God tells us our purpose, our calling, our mission, how many times have we called out please send someone else? How many times have we given every excuse: My back, my speech, my bank account, my schedule, my children, my spouse, my lack of the above? God has counter acted every single excuse with a better reason why you and only you need to do what he is asking until finally we just like Moses say,

Pardon your servant Lord Please Send Someone Else

Never Alone: Life Lesson 101

So crumbling walls aside there is a lesson admits all the turmoil. A lesson I quickly forget. During the times of crisis and crying, stumbling around like a chicken with her head cut off, and putting out fires, I found myself wondering Where Is GOD? I mean come on, haven’t I done everything right? Even in these crisis I am still in my Word, I am still praying. I am trying to “Be Still and know He is God” (Psalm 46:10)

I am listening and looking waiting for that “Still quiet voice” (1 Kings 19:12) 

and yet NOTHING IS COMING? It’s hard not to get frustrated. It’s even more difficult to not wonder where God is when all of this is happening. Here you are suffering and fighting an enemy unseen, if you can even figure out that you are fighting the enemy it may take you a few minutes, days, even weeks to realize that this is not only a physical battle but a spiritual one. Yet there is no partner in the chaos or at least there doesn’t appear to be one. It feels as if you are fighting these fires, reassembling your crumbling wall, wiping your blood, sweat and tears all alone. But are you?

The lesson that I forget and have forgotten amongst this last bout of chaos was this

“

When you pass through the waters (not if but when this is very important to remember), I WILL BE WITH YOU;

               And when you pass through the rivers (again not if but when),

They will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire (again not if but when and the whole fire metaphor we talked about in the last blog post plays a role here)

You will not be burned; (Remember Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego if not go back to Daniel 9 because their story comes up here);

                              The flames will not set you ablaze.

               For I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD,

                              The HOLY ONE OF ISRAEL Your SAVIOR

What a beautiful reminder that Isaiah 43:2-3 gives us. A reminder that I have never been alone. And let me tell you when He wants to teach this lovely wayward child a lesson boy does He. Sometimes I think I go through these stages and God doesn’t speak or answer my cries because He already has. This is nothing new for me. I have already done this panic, this lesson, this crisis. I have done this stage where I have been attacked on this sort of level numerous times before. The difference this time is God was silent and I was scared. I was scared and felt alone and instead of relying on my faith, trust and knowledge of him I panicked and didn’t know what to do so I allowed the enemy to play, for only a moment. But oh what a moment it was. And when we allow the enemy a second, a moment, a millisecond to play he will and when he gets a pinky toe in to our minds or our lives to play the damage he can do with that millisecond and pinky toe brings us to our knees.

God never left me. He never forsake me, He was never far from me. HE WAS ALWAYS WITH ME right there beside me waiting. The whole time I was running around in a whirlwind trying to put out fires he was right beside me waiting on me to notice him and take peace in His calm. To take those moments I was “attempting” to be still and actually be still while basking in his presences. And yes though He may have needed that moment for me to be refined in the fires or drowned to be washed cleaned he still was right beside me ready and willing to listen, talk, and share in my fears, tears, and anger. All I had to do was look around and see not just with my eyes but with my heart. The one thing that this child forgets to use a lot.  For as the apostle Paul likes to remind us in Titus (a lovely book that I think we overlook a lot) “God, who does not lie” – Titus 1:2 And if God does not lie then when he told me in Isaiah that he is with me through the waters and the fire you had better believe that He was there the whole time. And when I felt that I was alone through the crisis and journey and He was silent He was STILL RIGHT THERE BESIDE ME RUNNING AROUND WITH ME JUST WAITING FOR ME TO TAKE NOTICE. 

The picture below reminds me so much of what I got through on a daily bases. 

Take heart precious one and know that God has never left you or forsaken you He has never left. He is still there amidst the turmoil waiting on you to notice him. Waiting on you to be still in the fire and the storm to hear his still small voice. For he was not in the fire that he spoke it was in the whisper of the gentle wind. (1 King 19:12)

Crumbling Wall

I built up my defenses like a mighty fortress. For the first time I felt strong, I mean strong. I was ready for anything. That was my first mistake: over confidence. Have you ever felt like the wall above? Being attacked in life in so many different areas by the enemy and just everyday situations that the defensive wall is just crumbling down and falling apart so fast you don’t have a clue how or where to start the repairs? I mean how do you even pray when you are in that kind of a constant state of disrepair, constantly running from one crack to another crumble to another dislodge brick to another crisis putting out another fire? How do you ask for help and cry out when you don’t even know where to start or what to ask for?

You start to feel as if what’s the point? I got to the point where I was saying a phrase that will shock most of you and offend a few of you to your core #HML which stands for H.A.T.E M.Y. L.I.F.E yes folks we reached the point where I was pretty sure I was going to have tee shirts made. I even had people wanting to join the bandwagon and I know I had a VP, possibly a secretary and treasurer ready and willing in the wings. The club would have been beautiful and I’m pretty sure the selling of the tee shirts alone would have helped me with some of my financial issues. And yet I felt that this can’t be right. As a Christian why do I #HML so much in this moment that I want to quit.

Needless to say I was relating quite a bit to Job. Going so far in my relating and we are homies and my brother from another mother relating rant to cursing the day I was born. Wondering how can this be happening to me?

I mean there are many days I go from crying out why, why, why, why, why in a huddled mess of this

trying so hard to pull it together making it through an hour to the car only to end up doing this

I mean come on I feel that I am barely hanging on at times there are days when it is 

The one thing I had going for me that my homie Job didn’t is I had the Word of God in front of me which should provide some sort of relief among all this pain and confusion right?

WRONG

If anything all it did was add to it. I mean instead of peace like a river I found out that God could let me drown. Let that sink for a second. Should He want to and should it align with His plan He could and would let me drown to further His kingdom. I ain’t got no peace now. 

In fact there are numerous times when He did just that. Remember Job? What about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego for those who aren’t quite up to date on their Sunday School stories those guys were thrown into a furnace to prove their loyalty and the part that I think most of us forget b/c hey the story is awesome is this little quote before they go into the fiery pit of doom… (Daniel 3:17-18) “If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand, but even if he does not, we want you to know…” The key point is but even if he does not… see folks God can go nope not going to today why? Because it would benefit the kingdom more for me not to interfere than to interfere. Also remember that in order to mold something from gold already formed you have to MELT it down in order to REFINE it. MELT IT DOWN PEOPLE in order to remold it into something beautiful.  Still not convinced let me put it this way

With Job he let him drown COMPLETELY until the very end then poof everything was fine and Job was reimbursed 10 times what he started with. With the 3 boys above he didn’t even let that happen he let them walk around in a fire that killed 2 guards who dared open the doors instantly. So see he could let me get to the point of drowning and throw me a life jacket so that I can scream from the top of my lungs How great thou art and how wonderful things turned out… or He could decide to allow me to continue to drown so that when He rescues me from death I will do exactly what I said above after He restores me.

This leads me back to the crumbling wall above. So here I am with my crumbling wall of life surrounding me. Personally, professionally, spiritually, mentally I am crumbling the enemy is attacking me on all fronts. I found myself saying out loud 3 times “I’m worth more financially dead than alive”. This was the enemy trying to convince me of something that will not happen for I still have work to do. That being said it showed me just how many cracks, crumbles and weaknesses have happened in my walls. How desperate I am getting. How smart the enemy's attacks are becoming. The wall is crumbling and I am a mess. Sitting on the ground I am crying out “Abba Abba please help me. Restore my wall, protect my heart, hear my pleas I need protection, I need strength, guidance and rest. But most of all Father I need you back in my fortress to help shore up these walls do not allow the enemy to destroy them”. 

Word of Encouragement Today

I will never forget the statement which that great man of faith George Mueller once made to a gentleman who had asked him the best way to have strong faith: "The only way to know strong faith is to endure great trails. I have learned my faith by standing firm through severe testings."
How true this is! You must trust when all else fails.
Dear soul, you may scarcely realize the value of your present situation. If you are enduring great afflictions right now, you are at the source of the strongest faith. God will teach you during these dark hours to have the most powerful bond to His throne you could ever know, if you will only submit.
"Don't be afraid; just believe" (Mark 5:36). But if you ever are afraid, simply look up and say, "When I am afraid, I will trust in you." (Ps. 56:3). Then you will be able to thank God for His school of sorrow that became for you the school of faith. ~ A. B. Simpson

Great faith must first endure great trials.

God's greatest gifts come through great pain. Can we find anything of value in the spiritual or the natural realm that has come about without tremendous toil and tears? Has there ever been any great reform, any discovery benefiting humankind, or any soul-awakening revival, without the diligence and the shedding of blood of those who sufferings were actually the pangs of its birth? For the temple of God to be built, David had to bear intense afflictions. And for the gospel of grace to be extricated from Jewish tradition, Paul's life had to be one long agony.

This was taken from:

Hands down my favorite devotional.