For Women ~ I hope this helps as it helped me thru a rough patch

I chose you before I formed you in the womb; I set you apart before you were born. I appointed you a prophet to the nations ~ Jeremiah 1:5

Pay close attention to these 3 main points:
1. I chose you
2. I set you apart
3. I appointed you

You are a woman chosen, a woman set apart and a woman appointed. You are not here by accident in this moment. It is no mistake that you are living right now with your won set of circumstances, dealing with your specific set of issues, all while working within your personalized set of skills and abilities.

God has made you  and has placed you here... on purpose.

1. He chose you. You are involved in a divinely designed, carefully calculated, and eternally significant plan. For reason you may not fully understand or even agree with, God selected you as His own. His choice of you was based on a deep, intimate knowledge of who you are. So even if you can not fathom why God would choose a person like you to participate in a particular activity, He Himself is well aware of His reasons. He has selected you, and everything about you, to participate in the work He is doing at this point in history. God's choice of you for this leg of the marathon was by design.
Not because it has accidentally happened like this but because you have been known and Chosen by the Coach who sees you as uniquely suited, equipped, and capable of carrying out such amazing plans with such intricate precision.

You did not choose Me, but I chose you ~ John 15:16
if we're ever to live out the plans He has for us. Your value, like mine, is ultimately found in the underserved but wholly divine selection processes of God.

2.  He set you apart. Being "set apart" carries the idea of being dedicated for a specific use at a specific time, being reserved for those opportunities when (and how and where) you can best be used, when you can most be yourself. You are a holy vessel of God, set apart for specific times when the uniqueness you offer can be fully used and valued "a special instrument, set apart, useful to the Master ~ 2 Timothy 2:21
We were each created by a God to do our part. And if we fail to do it because we don't its valuable enough, great loss will be suffered. Someone, somewhere, needs YOU - in all of your uniqueness - to step up to the plate of your calling.

Rather than seeking to impress and outperform others, and rather than feeling ashamed by what you don't have and can't do, relish the opportunity to stand as a living, walking, eating, breathing example of what God's grace can do with a woman He has set apart, weaknesses and all, to be a sacred vessel in His service. You are a purposeful place setting.

3. He has appointed you.  Being chosen and set apart is quite an honor, but make no mistake - it comes with great responsibility. Among the reason God chose you was to put you in a position to yield specific outcomes in your personal life situations. You did not choose Me, but I chose you. I appointed you that you should go out and produce fruit ~ John 15:16

Therefore, you can trust that He has planted you right now in the place where you will be the most personally productive. Even if you are not inherently pleased with the person He's made you to be, even if you may not be abundantly happy with the circumstances you're currently living, you can be sure that God has planted you here with design and intention.

He has selected the "soil" where you're presently growing. Every kind of season and weather you experience has had to pass through HIs fingers before coming into contact with you. It's all been divinely designed to surround you with the conditions that allow your unique gifts and abilities to reach maximum potential. To grow. To yield. To produce.
Your seeds are designed to produce a crop that's uniquely yours. So there's no point in trying to produce fruit that is someone else's to grow. Your job at any given moment is to bring all your gifts, all your talents, all your propensities and all your passions into this thing called life and believe that they are good enough to produce the fruit that is expected of you.

Trust Him. He knows you, He has special plans for you.

I don't know all the things you're struggling with at this moment as you strive to attain a healthier self image. But I know that the only way to experience it is to fall back into the genuine, authentic reality of your value in God's eyes - the One who chose you, set you apart, and appointed you to bear fruit. He has loved you enough to make you like no other, and He's given you a task that is yours alone to complete with His abundant help and empowerment.

***All this was taken from Priscilla Shirer's The Resolution for Women. All credit is due to her and her alone. I only shared this because myself and my dear friends struggle with self-esteem issues and this really struck a cord with me. My prayer is it struck a cord with you. Please pick up this book it will empower you to resolve to being the woman God created you to be ***

My Time in India

is coming to an end

I know a lot of these blog posts have been funny. Some have been serious, and some have just been down right scary (lizards and scorpions anyone?). They have showed my struggles over here and they have showed me attempting to fit in and work things out. Sometimes they even showed a success or two. They fell short in showing the beauty of the land and people. These post couldn't have shown you the whole picture there wasn't enough time.
These posts didn't show the growth I've experienced, the lessons both hard and easy, the lonely nights, the days that flew by. They didn't show the need of the people I saw everyday, the beauty that is hidden if you can just look past the dust. They were unable to show the times I wrestled with my pride, spoke in anger, acted in fear, or spoke in love. They are unable to show the nights that I cried myself to sleep, the hurt that I saw when I looked into our girl's eyes, nor the broken hearts that cried out to God asking why. And they are unable to capture the love of those around me attempting to help them heal.
These posts didn't show the prayers said, the harsh words at God for allowing this to occur, the questions of why me from both the girls and myself. The questions of why India? Why now? These post were unable to show my egotistical thoughts of being able to fix this country and every girl that we got when I first arrived. Nor could they show how quickly God humbled me. They are unable to show the fights I had, the struggles of will, the letting go of pride, the attempt to grasp the whole picture, the letting go and giving it all to God, or the trust I had to put in God. I have learned a great many things here and some of them are too personal to share while others. Well others are things I hope you all can see when I get home.
I no longer have an answer to everything, I no longer believe I can solve every problem on my own. I no longer solely rely on me. I couldn't not here in India where everyday was a struggle. It was a struggle to wake up and face another day, it was a struggle to not give up hope, to not give in, to not lie down and allow myself to get swallowed up in depression.
Now every morning I wake up with renewed grace and just enough strength to get through the day. Everyday I see how all my struggles throughout my life have been for this 6 months. They have made me strong enough to get through this. They have prepared me and sharpen me for this moment so that I would be able to look to the one person that would get me through.
Every time I lay down at night (hot) and exhausted I stare up at the ceiling full of awe of how God works and how he took me through A so that when M presented itself here I would be prepared. I was a teacher in A and now in M I'm a teacher. I was a case manager at B and now in N I am a case manager. I was a supervisor at C now I am supervisor. I went to school to be a counselor at D and now in P I am a counselor.
Needless to say I told you all that to say this. If I knew in January that I would come to India and deal with all of this involved with the home. And all the personal stuff that I would have to struggle with and come to terms with I would've walked away. Now knowing what I know and learning what I've learned I wouldn't miss an opportunity like this for anything.

The people I've met, the friends I've made, the girls that I've been blessed to be around, the lessons I've learned that have been hard and easy, and the experiences I've had have been worth it. It's been worth the lizards, rickshaws, trains, squatty potties, bugs, heat, autos, scary people, lonely nights, tears on my pillow, and rice. They have all taught me more about myself and the strength that only God can provide.
My time is coming to an end here in India and in less than 13 days I will be in Thailand. There I will have a brief time to heal from all the horror stories I've heard about the girls, I will have a chance to be with God alone with no distractions. Once home I will be able to prepare for coming home and facing new challenges. There will be no more dust, no more honking horns, and no more dirty feet. I will be able to rest completely not worrying about a sudden trip to the ER in the middle of the night or a problem at the house. I will be able to carry on a normal conversation that doesn't have to be translated. I will be able to drink water from the tap without the fear of consequences.
And I will finally be able to have a snow-cone or a hamburger.
But oh how I shall miss the eight shinning faces greeting me in the morning asking me Ma'am English? Or just running up for a hug. Or the teasing, the I love yous, the Sara di-di, the laughter, the hokey pokey, the yelling and screaming. I will miss the random gifts made from young hands, the tears as they explain to me their woes in a language I don't understand. I will miss their good mornings and their good nights.
I will miss finding an excuse to run into the office in order to hide out in the A/c. I will miss my friends who laugh at my hiding. I will miss shopping for kurtas, KFC trips, having a coke delivered daily. I will miss Mina asking me if I want Maggi, Hima asking me for English lessons and calling me Sara di-di, I will miss Prodipta joking around with me about the hot dentist or cop that just popped into the house. I will miss Saraba and I discussing America and how different it is from here, but how well she will do when she moves there. I will miss Jordana and I reviewing cases that always lead to personal therapy on ourselves. I will miss Janice constantly popping up with ideas that have to be done right now, and Don saying sure to them all. I will miss the caregivers asking me how I am and then laughing when I say, "ki ko say?" (which is totally spelled wrong but means "What she say?").
I will miss the hot showers that never get cold in the summer and the cold showers that never get hot in the winter. I will miss constantly looking for Fred in the apartment and hoping he didn't eat the dead cockroach since I killed it by spraying it with Hit. I will miss worrying that the Hit I did just kill the cockroach has killed valuable brain cells I may need in the future. I will miss the quiet noise filled nights with honking, shouts, babies crying and drunk men singing. I will miss the too sweet sweets, the bright colors and the never ending hot sun that rises way too early. I will miss the hours of grading papers, the days of writing lesson plans, the long nights of prayers and the constant presence of rice.
I will miss the people begging as I walk, the shy way some few brave ones come up to me to say hi in English. The quick way they then run from me when I answer back. The multi talented way I have learned to walk carrying an umbrella, purse, groceries, back pack, computer, cell phone, and my handy dandy Swiss army knife ready and armed. I will miss the darting in and out of traffic, the fresh mangos, the oohs and awws at the hair salon when they style my hair. I will miss the way the shop owners attempt to impress me by showing me they speak broken English yet then over charge me. I will miss the way I am always called sister when I pass by and how no one ever knows where KS is. I will miss that every time I visit someone they insist on feeding me or giving me tea.
I will miss the photos and being asked to pose with people or being asked to be friends with people on FB. You would think I wouldn't miss these things and yet I do. I know a lot of my post have been funny or scary, however, in reality India has been wonderful. Nicer than even my own country at times. Sure there are frustrations and headaches, weird toilets, and no toilet paper, but that is everywhere. At least here I find that if I just smile it all works itself out.

India I was scared to death of you. Of what you held, what would happen to me, what would become of me. And now I find that I am truly sad to be leaving you. Leaving behind my new sisters (Prodipta, Jordana, Sara Jane, Bulli, Apora, Junali, Audrey, Nancy, Anna, and Hima,) my new brothers Anupam and Jonathon, all my dear friends Janice, Renee, Kelley, Jan and Felicia and my new found aunts and uncles (all the aunties and uncles in Jorhat, Mina, Superjani, and aunties and uncles in Dibrugarh) I will miss you all and I will miss the 7 lovely faces I see everyday.

Man who would've thought leaving would be so hard.

A prayer

Lord Father,
Thank you for all that you have given me. For all the things I do not deserve, for all the blessing you have blessed me with, for all the love you surround me with. I want to thank you. Lord Father I know that you have me here running a race and that race has a goal and I thank you for entrusting me with it. I ask Lord Father that you continue to help me to keep running the good race (Gal. 5:7) Lord Father. To help me forget my past and strain towards what is ahead. Lord Father help me to press towards Your goal Lord Father (Phil 3:13b-14).
Help me Lord Father to live a life so full of faith that I can say when I stand before you that I fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have kept the faith Lord Father (2 Tim 4:7). Lord Father I ask that you help me to continue to run this race with the perseverance that is needed to complete it to Your satisfaction.  This is the race you have marked out for me (Hebrews 12:1b). Lord Father I ask for Your help to give me the strength not to just keep running it Lord Father, but to keep running it with a smile on my face. Lord Father, I know that you have great plans for me (Jer 29:11) and I just ask Lord Father that You help me to not run like a man running aimlessly (1 Cor. 9:26), but to run with a purpose in mind. Your purpose Lord Father. Let everything I do be for Your glory Lord Father and for Your honor. Please continue to guide me in your way Lord Father. I ask all these things in Your name Lord Father.

Amen

Always good to see

when one's English lessons are paying off. So glad to know the girls are paying attention in class. #headdesk

My heart breaks

My heart breaks
everyday another piece is splintered
every story that gets a voice I feel another crack
each time a girl lets a tear slip down her cheek
I hear the crack
They are so young to be this bitter
they are too young to be this angry
too young to know the words hate, fear, pain,
yet they do
and every time I see it reflected in their eyes another
part of my heart breaks

The newest break took a chunk right out
a hole is left and I pray it will be filled
she was 7 when she learned those words
when the bitter and shame filled her
she still plays with dolls yet holds them close
in fear of what happened to her will happen to them
my heart breaks

yet everyday I see a glimpse of something wonderful
I see a smile, a look, a glance
I hear laughter, see dancing, listen to singing
I watch as they color, as they play, as they help one another
each day I watch them grow stronger, I listen to them become louder
day by day the anger seeps away
the bitterness dries up and the joy starts to break through

everyday I walk in I get 8 hugs, 8 shouts of good morning
8 beautiful little girls running up to me to show me what they did last night
every morning I have 4 wonderful girls listening as I teach English
making me cards, doing homework, telling me of their dreams to go to school,
become a doctor, fix things, serve in the army.

Everyday my heart breaks yet everyday a piece is put back in place.
With every smile, every laughter, every song my heart begins to heal.

Bihu the gift that keeps on giving...

Some of you may have seen the pictures, if not you can see them here, I posted of a Bihu celebration that we celebrated in the home. That celebration happened back in April. As of the 2nd week in May there were still Bihu celebrations occurring. When Indians celebrate Spring they really, really go all out. I would love to tell you what Bihu is really about, but alas I can't. Mainly because I am still uncertain as to what exactly we are celebrating for so long. I think it has something to do with spring, dressing up, fireworks, love, singing and dancing. Other than that and what Wikapedia tells me I still don't get it.

I still don't understand the words to the songs nor the steps to the dances. I don't undertand why the fireworks go off for 30 minuts right as I am drifting off into a nice peaceful dream that either includes scenes from LOTRs, SGA or Zach Levi. I don't get why the drums are so loud and the singing last until all hours of the night in a high pitched voice.

That being said the people here apparently love all that I don't understand. They love the music, the dancing, the dressing up. The love the sales, the random groups of dancers that come house to house asking for money in order to dance. They love the fireworks, and the food.

So apparently Bihu is something that is deeply important to the Assamese people and while I may not completely understand it. I have to admit I admire their dedication to it. I admire how serious they take it, how much they enjoy it, and the simple fact that they want to celebrate it.

Thankfully as I am writing this one I can say the celebrations have officially ended here in Assam for at least another month or two. For I was just informed there are 4 different Bihus... and to that I say bring on the drums, dancing, dressing up, singing, and food. Cause when in Assam I say do like an Assamese person would do. Bring on the Bihu.

God's little wake up calls... AKA Earthquakes

EARTHQUAKE

 

First and foremost for those who do not know I'm from Kansas y'all. Seriously we don't have earthquakes. If the ground is shaking its due to a really good concert, a cattle drive b/c hey we sometimes reenact things, a car that is in need of some serious work, a car with too much bass, or a tornado. And hey if its anything but the last we just shake it off and keep on moving. WE DO NOT DO NOR UNDERSTAND EARTHQUAKES. We do not understand people on the West coast who would rather have earthquakes over tornadoes. 8 times out of 10 you have a warning with a tornado it may not help but at least you get some warning. There is no warning with earthquakes. Let me repeat that in case you missed why this KS girl was freaking out... THERE IS NO WARNING WITH EARTHQUAKES.

One does not wake from a dead sleep with the apartment swaying back and forth the bed shaking so much you believe it was your flatmate trying to wake you up. Until you realize it isn't her cause you lock your freaking door at night. It is in fact the blessed ground moving and swaying the apartment too and fro. The ground should not move like that for any reason EVER (other than the above mentioned situations all of which I can handle with calm and dignity). What really disturbs me is the fact I was the only one freaking out. Oh it was just a 7.6 Sara no big deal... SERIOUSLY do you not understand what a ground shaking earthquake of that magnitude can do?

 

And not to change the subject but am I the only one who finds it mildly disturbing that I just now learned we have an earthquake survival kit. If its not that big of a deal why do I need a survival kit? Huh smart butt explain that? If it is not so big of a deal then why did God need me to wake up at 7ish in the morning? Obviously he wanted my attention and knew this would surely do it. (PS for those of you wondering I did in fact wake up. I did in fact call out for my flatmate and when I discovered she was still sleeping I called out to God. When he didn't answer me with anything super important I managed to make it to the bathroom and then well I did the only human thing I could. I went back to sleep until my alarm went off at 8).

Needless to say this KS girl is going to be happy to come home to a place where the earth rarely if ever shakes (please, please, please let this statement be true and not a way to jinx nor challenge God into making things interesting when I get home).